Tiny Cities Made of Ash

Dove Self-Esteem Fund

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:44:00 +0000

Note to self

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:15:00 +0000

Hot topics to blog about in future:

- Crowd etiquette.
- The hospitality industry and all its perils.
- People's irrelevant opinions on the things you enjoy.

Me and my Chesties are not Besties

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:48:00 +0000

"What are the symptoms of infectious (acute) bronchitis?
Infectious bronchitis commonly occurs in winter. It often starts with similar symptoms to that of a common cold — tiredness and a sore throat — then a cough develops. This cough is often dry at first but later on becomes productive, with white, yellow or green sputum being coughed up. If the attack is severe, fever may result."

Yummy times!

:(:(

Naughty naughty avalanche

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:31:00 +0000

Finally downloaded Gregory and the Hawk's discography and came across this song :P

Avalanche!
Oh, avalanche!
You are the number one
natural disaster of Switzerland.

The swift put up their ears to keep you out
and build covered roadways to save themselves
but it's no use; you always kill
at least a few skiers a year,
just to remind them to be fearful.
At least a few skiers a year.

A few innocent lives a year.

Avalanche!
Oh, avalanche!

Animals are funny

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:44:00 +0000

Top Ten: Best Excuses to use on Phone Salespeople

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 13:08:00 +0000

.. I wasn't sure what the technical term for the people who call right before dinner to sell you a luxury package to Thailand was so I broke it down.. Phone... sales.. people. Could've been men, but I've come this far in making sure my blog is free of all aspects of political incorrectness.

So here goes..

1. The obvious one, I'm underage. This one is best used if you are at least under the age of 25. Perfect for me. Particularly enjoyable when you actually ask them eagerly if you can still be considered for the sale.
"Oh... I'm under 18.. But that's ok right!?"
To which the salesperson replies with a condescending laugh and change of tone..
"Ohh haha.. is mum or dad around?"
"No I don't have parents."
Just to spice it up a bit, why not suggest that the product that is trying to be sold somehow contributed to your parent's death.
Some examples may include can openers, exercise machines, helicopters etc.
The explanation is usually followed by an awkward blur of incoherent syllables.
Up to you if you want to tell them your joking.

Back to the age thing, its also effective when you're approached on the street by hippies who want you to save trees, as my good friend Janelle will demonstrate.
and the first rule totally doesn't apply, if your a senior citizen please please PLEASE tell them your not old enough!
Although funny story that goes hand in hand with her innovation..
The other day we were strolling along Hay Street and she spotted the ring leader of the forest hippies. He wouldve been about 10 metres away if I remember correctly. I saw him and looked down, preparing to avoid a committment I was likely to get myself into. She looks over and excitedly calls out his NAME. I think it must have been Boris or something..
"BORIS!!" *waves frantically.
So apparently when explaining she wasnt old enough to save trees, she asked for his name. She befriended the greeny that everyone else wants to avoid.

2. This kind of relates to the first one. Whatever it is that is trying to be sold, or that you are asked to be a part of a survey for, declare an utter, extreme distaste for it. I remember my brother being asked to answer questions for a survey about radio. Apparently the lady asked him if he wanted to answer the questions and he responded with a resounding...

"I hate music."

"Oh... ok..is there anyone in your household who listens to the radio."

"No. We all hate music."

Because what can they do??

3. The simple "Sorry I'm really busy! Can you please call back later?"

4. My grandparents told me this one. Same as previous but suggest YOU call THEM back.
Clever hey?

5. Pretend you can't understand anything they're saying. In many cases this is actually not difficult to act out.

6. Why not try asking THEM some questions?

7. Explain that you are only house sitting and you do not really live there.

7. If they ask how you are TODAY in the first sentence you knows its a salesperson.
Fair enough if its a friend saying "Hey Hows it going?"
Not fair enough if its "Hello How are you TODAY?"
Its the vague question of your general state of being vs the more direct enquiry that includes a specific time period.
If the above ideas do not appeal to you when you hear the latter approach, simply hang up.

8. I know the title says ten, but as if you need more than 7 come on.

9. You could always just talk to them and answer their dumb questions, who knows you might even win something.

10. Having made this list I've added another thing to the list of things I do that make me feel guilty about who I am as a person. I suppose these people are just doing their jobs and don't really deserve to be treated like this but at the end of the day you have to ask yourselves.. are these people... really people? What is it that makes us human? and is it really possible for robots to develop human emotions?

Think about it.

Kitson vs Amos

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 12:59:00 +0000

Rocking this Bitch Orchestrally

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 12:18:00 +0000

Nervous Breakdown

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 14:06:00 +0000

Came across this on deadairspace and had a wee chuckle to myself

My brother

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 13:53:00 +0000

The things he does to annoy me :)

Izzard and Bjork

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 13:43:00 +0000

Recent paintings!

7:16 pm

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:15:00 +0000

Modern world i'm not pleased to meet you
You just bring me down

-Wolf Parade, Modern World
:D

Creative Drought

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 02:05:00 +0000

Can't draw or paint or write or create anything..
Not quite sure how to get started again.
Also a bit scared of disapointing myself haha.

Darrrrrnn.

Breathtaking

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:16:00 +0000

This has to be the best performance I have ever seen.
Number one on my list of bands to see before I die.
Radiohead- Idioteque @ Glastonbury 2003

If I were a self indulgent, deeply troubled rockstar..

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 15:27:00 +0000

Waking up, re-entering the conscious realm of existance has a certain weight to it after producing a few records. The knowledge that there are people, and several people, I'd say thousands of people "out there" who are depending on you to add that extra hint of purpose to their lives, is rather flattering to the self esteem. I'm not sure how you'd weigh purpose. I'm not sure what kind of effect my early retirement would have on these people, but I'm fairly sure there'd be disappointment and quite possibly a lessening of purpose in some peoples' lives if I decided I'd had enough. I could decide that today. I could deal with the invasive assumptions of the press anytime really. I have the potential to cause widespread disapointment. Because I know I was disapointed. When Buckley, when Cobain decided to call it quits, to exit the scene. Curtis made the call right before the great tour to the US. That's a disapointment. That, is one hell of a statement. It makes me think about how far in I can go before the pressure becomes too much.

I talk about my fans dependence on me, on my release of another record for people to consume, but more significantly, it is I who depends on them. They can disappoint me with a negative reception just as much as I can disapoint them with shite music or to a greater extent, my end. How long will I keep pushing before this realistic concept becomes mentally unbearable? It makes me want to go back to sleep.

The pills go down with a reassurring ease and I fall backwards, roll over. Tell them I'm not ready yet. They're waiting. But I'm not ready yet.

We hate jazz cells!

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 11:51:00 +0000

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I've finished school :D
so I'm completely justified to post a blog of just mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

considering learning to fly a kite..
and thats not like a "Im really funny because I'm lyk hell randum!" statement..Ive been wanting this for a long time now.
I got a job at Gloria Jeans which is super.

This holidays I feel I've really taken time to discover who I am as a person and the things that make me "tick". Ive discovered certain qualites about myself that a studying girl could not have.

1. I like sundried tomatoes, but only the taste it gives food like pasta. I hate the texture. I actually think if a slug and a cockroach fused to form a hybrid and some one ate it..it would feel like a sundried tomato.
2. I didnt even know the elephant man was non fictional. CRAZY! So ive been really enjoying "google image"ing Joseph Merrick. It's amazing.. he would have had a horrible life. One of the most interesting things I read is that apparently he said he wanted to go to a home for blind women and meet someone who would just love him. Which got me thinking about how superficial we all are and how we all on the look out for good genes to pass on to our offspring. Not necessarily good looking traits, but at least healthy traits. In that case, poor, poor lonely elephant man.
3. Harrison Ford actually makes me angry. Vince Noir talks about scat being the aspect of jazz he hates the most, the thing that makes him "go red". Harrison Ford makes me go red.
4. My life is going to continue as a persistant cycle of being obsessed with a certain famous person. Its been Thom Yorke for almost a year now, and now it's become Christian Bale.
5. I freaking HATE MONOPOLY. Which is inconvenient for Sarah. She actually cries when I tell her how much I hate it when she asks if i will play with her. Partly because sometimes I need to convey my hatred with more than words. lol!
She actually just brought me "hot cocoa" as a bribe. I told her NO. She threw the mug into my face and crawled into a ball wrapped in a robe holding her mug with two hands up to her face, claiming to be freshly picked from a dark cold wolf infested forest. (She actually confessed to me just then that whenever she sees someone drinking hot things from mugs with two hands she conjures up this image.)
I pat her on the head and tell her she is cute.
6. "I thrive on encuragement". This is what Sarah diagnosed. It's true, we disussed today that if people dont encourage me I withdraw from the activities I expect to get encouragement for. Like today Sarah and I sorted out and cleaned lots of kitchen cupboards. Mum came home and didnt say HEY WELL DONE! and give me a pat on the back so I pulled off all the cupboard doors and threw mugs at our pets. Then Mum said HEY WELL DONE and I was happy.

Whats awesome about being on holiday is that it's given me time to watch some great movies like Vanilla Sky, Waking Life, Batman Begins and the Star Wars trilogies.
The problem is, theyre so old that everyone is over talking about them. I basically watched Star wars episode 4 because I wanted society to ...like me again. Like they did when they just assumed I had watched them like everyone else. Anyway I plan on watching the rest soon.

Third series of the Mighty Boosh is quite frankly, genius. Definately the best series of the three I'd have to say. Probably alot to do with the better budget. But Vince Noir's hair still looks amazing..they've taken on a lot.

Ive also had lots of time for art which has been nice :D
For evidence of this: www.ashr90.deviantart.com
Here's my painting of Christian Bale in The Machinist. (Yes, I know.)

No more rambling!
But whats cool is that I could very well be moving out next month :O
To live with Sean and Katie (ofcourse you all know them!)

Happy vs Angry

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 11:06:00 +0000

History exam done! (yesterday)
Art history tomorrow, and then 3 more. Yes three more.

I have decided(in my disgraceful state of procrastination) to create two lists of the things that have made me happy today and the things that have made me angry today :)

List One: Angry Things.

No 1. Noel Gallagher: "Thom Yorke sat a piano singing, 'This is fucked up' for half-an-hour. We all know that, Mr Yorke. Who wants to sing the news? No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going, 'We're all doomed,' at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play Creep. Get over it."

I for one, do not want to hear Creep again.. no offence to Radiohead or Creep fans but why would you milk a hit like that when theyve released much better and cleverer songs... It's kind of like how I feel like my stomach lining is detaching everytime I hear Wonderwall.

No 2. Noel Gallagher:
"I never went to fucking university. I don’t know what a paint brush is, I never went to art school."

No 3. I just discovered Panic at the Disco's version of Radiohead's Karma Police. It made me angrier than their comment, "F*** Emo, we're going to be the next Radiohead."

No 4. "20-1..sexiest moments in television." I'm sitting hear listening to orgasmic cries at 8:20 pm and the same repetitive comments of celebrities attempting to scrape the last remnants of recognition they can.

No 5. Whilst trying to study, a lady from down the road I dont even know called to talk about escaping sheep from someones house i also dont know..it would have been fine if she didnt so elaborately describe the nature of the sheep fugitives...20 minutes later.. im in no frame of mind to continue studying.

List Two: Happy Things.

No 1. Thom Yorke (in response to Noel's art school comment):
"I did. It taught me to respect other artists."
Thom wins. and he went to art school :D

No 2. http://www.slowlydownward.com
he does the art work of radiohead cds :D
and write very funny short stories.
One of my favourites: http://www.slowlydownward.com/TWN.html

No 3. Watching the rest of the second season of Spaced :D soo very funny.

No 4. Finding out that Max Ernst created an installation in one of his exhibitions and left a axe next to it, inviting viewers to use it to destroy all the artworks...including a young girl in the centre of the exhibition reciting nonsensical poetry.

No 5. Ravioli Time!

So overall, it has been a rather neutral day
Good night! x

Sigur Ros

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 10:56:00 +0000

I just cried when I watched this :D
It's my favourite song and favourite music clip
Hoppipolla is the name of the song and its Icelandic for "Jumping in Puddles" whihc I think is really cute. I also made the decision that I want to be like these people when I'm old :D

Lyrics to get you through the day

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 05:41:00 +0000

"When we laugh indoors the blissful tones bounce off the walls
and fall to the ground.
Peel the hardwood backs
and let them loose from decades trapped and listen so still."

Thats nice imagery methinks :)

Face Painting Fun

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 04:59:00 +0000

Today I had the pleasure of face painting at the Carey Fair.
I was not aware that face painting for 5 year old kids was such a cut throat industry. Seriously, there is a lot of expectation from parents for masterpieces created on the faces of their twitching children.

To illustrate my point more vividly:
My first customer was a child of about 6/7. First of all I must tell you that the mother came in and straight away warned the lady in charge of the stall (who was equally difficult to please) that the flowers to be painted on her little cherub's face were to be "dainty-looking" and not "chunky" like last time because she "wasnt happy with that when it happened last time." I was assigned with a full face painting of a butterfly on her other daughter's face. For the sake of my story I must make it clear that:

Full face painting= $3.50
Smaller cheek painting= $2.00

So I finally finish painting the child's face and I have to admit, I was pretty happy with the results. The mother however did not appear to be. Nor did the lady in charge of the stall.

Lady in charge: (to mother) Are you happy with that?
Mother: (I cant describe the face she made with words but if I had to it kind of looked like it said: "Not really, but I'd be happy with a discount, perhaps I could spend that few dollars on my children's tooth decay?")
Lady in charge: (to me) "Okay well lets just charge her for a cheek painting."
Me: :O

Am I over reacting or do parents sometimes really suck??

Leavers

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:57:00 +0000

So we've finished school! We just have TEE exams and thats it. As much as I'm going to miss the consistant support base of school, I'm really excited to move onto bigger things.

Our last day was on Wednesday and included a water fight and final assembly at school. Afterwards we went to the beach as a year group which was really nice because it was the perfect day :D
Later on we had our Valedictory dinner which also really lovely. Made me realise how much we have all grown up and how lucky I have been to grow up with such great characters. I'm really going to miss the teachers and would love to stay in touch with them, which when I think about it would sound like a really strange idea to heaps of people. So that really goes to show how great they are. Kudos to Mr Limb for his speech :D and ofcourse him and Mr Austen for their slow motion tennis game..sooo funny.

Afterwards we had a small get together at Gabs where we just sat there saying things like "I cant believe we are actually finished" over and over again. It was a really nice evening and a really nice day overall :) A great way to finish.

What really sucks though is that I'm getting really sick :( I could hardly talk last night because my throats so sore. It had to happen though, I havent been sick much this year so yeah fair enough that it finally comes right before exams.
On a better note, the school is buying my final painting :D:D This will be my first "commission" which is very exciting..

Not long til graduation!..and then LEAVERS :D:D:D:D:D

SO THERE YOU GO! another post about my life. no satire or sarcasm this time round im afraid. just facts. delivered. straight. to you.

Why people are so easy to love

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:39:00 +0000

Can i just say..

Theres something seriously lacking in your lives if you feel so unfulfilled and bored that you resort to painting penises and "naughty words" on the walls of your old school gym.

and by golly its difficult when youngsters arent treated with enough respect from their elders and yes i understand how this behaviour can be the best remedy for such a thing so nooooooo i wont spend too much time fantacising about your compensational vehicles bursting into flames simultaneously or your contraction of multiple diseases ....or the amount of stereotypes i can fit into one blog too much. :) My pre-TEE thoughts will steer clear of any kill bill esque motives or of what my dad would call "comeuppance" :p

So thanks for your contribution, hope you didnt feel too left out what with all the tasteful celebrations and all. I mean heck we wouldnt anyone to feel excluded now would we?..actually, just to prove theres no ill feeling about this all, why not send us the cheque for the paint you bought? I mean that would have been quite a chunk from your paychecks and to be honest, I feel rather priveledged that you spent that on us! You've been great.. the world is so lucky to have people like you in it :D

So yes, I like my school a lot.. and I'm certainly going to miss it.. I have a hell of a lot of respect for the teachers there and all theyve done for us. Take that dominoes pizza!

Big Day Out

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 02:50:00 +0000

Really looking forward to Big Day out next year!!
Arcade fire are going to be there as well as Bjork and Sarah Blasko! dam good line up :D

In Rainbows

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 09:47:00 +0000

Radiohead's new album, In Rainbows is very very good.
I found their blog: http://deadairspace/radiohead.com i enjoy it..

I have to finish my painting! I named my selected canvas Goliath and myself an idiot :) Maybe I will post a photo of it on here when I am finished. With a person standing next to it to indicate size relativity. You may not be able to see the person though. Hope everyone is enjoying their gardens in this sunny weather

xo

Chris Crocker

ashr_90@hotmail.com (Ashley) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 08:40:00 +0000

This morning I was watching the news when I was shown a video of a guy named Chris Crocker expressing his thoughts on the bad reviews of Britney Spears' "comeback."
Yes the "comeback" was terrible and yes she looked like she'd just stumbled out of rehab and ended up on a stage. But this blog is about Chris. Chris was named " a diehard Britney fan" by reporters, but I question he is really a fan at all. The funny thing is, the video shown was completely out of context. I, like most people was initially shocked and amused by Chris' response but after further research, I have found out that it's all ONE. BIG. JOKE. (shock, horror) He's basically taken advantage of how stupid we all are to get his name out there. And thats exactly what hes gone and done. Ive heard so much news coverage on him and his theatrics. Tomorrow I will go to school and be bombarded with complaints and jokes and stories about him. That's how famous he has become. Going on youtube, Ive read peoples comments and laughed. People are actually offended and shocked, due to actualy taking him seriously. Its hilarious. People call him stupid (and many other names) yet we're the stupid ones. He's been completely misconstrued and I like it. He's not particularly a comic genius but nevertheless..

this is very funny :D